Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
