But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
