based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
