I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
