you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
