I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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