I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Randomize
