I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
