I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
