I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
