walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hippo gnu deer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
