he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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