carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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