so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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