You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
