i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
