Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We have started to decorate penises.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
