Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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