drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
