I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
