I will die if light touches me.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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