I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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