We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
