do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
