think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
