I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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