You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
