I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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