She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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