Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
