JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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