nut hugger
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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