I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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