That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
