I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
