Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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