I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
