you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
