It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
