Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
