new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
