Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
