I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
