I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
