put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
