The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I want to be your penis for a week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
