I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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