I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
