Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
