i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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