i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
