Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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