What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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