We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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