Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
