you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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