That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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