cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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