hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
