I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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