Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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