This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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