I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
