summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
