I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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