i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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