a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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