had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
