I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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